Have u ever wonder why a person looked soundly aslp when lying in a coffin and it seems like nothing could ever wake him/her up.

A body so cold and lifeless yet it has a slight smile to its face.
Sometimes I wanted to ask "the body" , why the smile?
Is it better dead?
Is it better to be away from earth?

I noe it is definitely better w/o the sickness.
w/o being a person living in a world full of masks and deceptions.
Definitely better living in a world where all ur worries just subside alil lesser in a spur moment.

I definitely also dunno what goes on at the other dimension but I do hope grandpapa is living ok there.
No bullies.
No hypocrites.
No worries.

Cultural and aesthetics class questioned.
"What is peace?"

I find no definition for it. What I see ard me aint no peace.

They strive hard to destroy everything beside them slowly and watching everything die in front of them, in one way or another.

Peace? I fret not.

No one ever noes what is the definition of it.
No one will ever find out what is it.
But for grandpapa I hope U find the peace u wanted.

I wish u all the best.

U're very luv by me.

I'm sorry I wasn't a gd grand daughter.

I didn't do my best.

But I noe grandpapa like u easy going n nice.

I hope u didn't laugh at us too hard at the prayers.

I noe u're somewhere laughing at us so bad.


U were e one bringing us the grown up cousins together again and have some gathering of sorts, laughters and nothing lesser.
This type of gathering has always been a missed since everyone was busy with their lives.

I like this type of gathering.
But not this type of events that gathered us.

Thanks once again grandpapa.


R.I.P


Jess.

R.I.P

R.I.P Grandpapa.

I'm missing you and you'll be missed always.

I'm sorry I hadn't find the time to visit you when you were hospitalised last time.

Now it's too late.

<3 Grandpapa.


Reminiscence...
Jess

BFF

He made a difference in my life. Whole lot of difference.

:)

He's loved. n I will always be looking over him.



Jess

ps: BFF lets lie on the tracks someday and forget abt the world.

Mind.

Second post of today.

I have to say it out cuz I'm very breathless over it.

It is taking my soul out to try and understand how's he feeling.
I've tried to be understanding. Supportive of how's he with his new girl.
Telling him what to do.

He said thanks.
I could only say no need for a thank you.
Cuz, no matter what he can't fix back a broken heart.

he asked, will things still be the same if we get back together.


I said I dunno. Maybe yes maybe no.


But I noe it wont be e same cuz he will have to hurt Monique.
It's so totally not cool.

I havent lost any feelings for him.
But I noe Monique deserves better.
just only 2-3 months with her, Mike is very into her. I noe it
Woman's sixth sense is fucking accurate.

He said this to my frnd.
Just an extract from whole convo.

Him: u know jess is the best gf i eveer have

seriously

but its like i already drag monique into this i can't hurt her and i dont wanna hurt jess too

i really dont know what to do

i think i really turn out like both of her ex after all

I have one thing to say.

He doesn't know what is he doing at all.

and it hurts.
treating it like a game of manipulation.

(9:35 PM) MIke.:

i think its something thats gotta do with fate fuck fate. It's designed by our own hands. I still heart u. but it's too late for apologies.

Jess

Night to the thrills.

Hi all,

Life's been pretty good.
Busy with sch activities.
Play Time ended 2 weeks ago for Drama.republic.
It was pretty good.
Good experience and I can say Prince's Groom is much less scary than Reality Crashes In.


Evon and Me

Me and The Prince's Groom gang

Me and Drama.Republic

Night trail yesterday night to today morning.
I slack with my lovely mates at Causeway point until the sun came out before we left for breakfast at Mac's Yew Tee and then head home for a good rest.


Buanana and Me

Our attempt to make the trip feel scary but failed. LOL.

Eza and Me lying on the dirty floor of outside Causeway point at early wee hours.

The night never looked so beautiful.

Lastly, I would like to say.
W24R really rocks. and bonded really well. No anti socials at all.
LUVS.=D


Best Team Presentation for Problem 11 Enterprise! =D Luv Mandy our dear motherly faci.

The gang of funny faces.

Eza and me with snow cap.

W24R


Luv,
Jess

Ciao.

SIGH.

SIGH!


better not to find out so many things!

ahaha.

:(

PWNAGE!


Jess

Apology.

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say
But I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait...
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say...

That it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late


I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
(But that's nothing new)
Yeah yeah

I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue
And you say
"Sorry" like the angel, heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
Woahooo woah

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, a yeahah
I said it's too late to apologize, a yeahah

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground...
-Apologise
(timbaland ft One republic)


I miss fitface.
Attraction is always there whenever I see him.
lust,love, like whatever.
just a attraction.


Everytime I see him its like the last scene in It's a boy girl thing.
When in the prom...left him n me.
then
the tree.

wow.

LOL.


ok, anyway life's been ok.

Grades are cool.

=D


Jess

W24R

Some pics to share nice ones.


Today, 26 Nov 2007.
Only one team left in class with 7 members.
with just 1 presentation.

Stone thru presentation.

nothing much to talk abt.

Pretty much a GOOD day to start off the week.

HAHA.

Anyway, haven't been blogging much.

Life is ok. everything is alright just some complicating things which I dun like and hate, that y I'm direct and rash in decision cuz I think somethings cant be taken time with. Have to act within short time or else consequences wld be huge.

Me n Mike, we're really n talkin terms now.
I still miss him alot, cuz he haven't been replying my smses.
well well must be busy with his new girl.
MUAHHAHA.


LOL.

FIT FACE!
I need to see u soon


=D

Tat's it for now.



<3Jess

Quotes of my life.

Why does it take so much to bring me to my knees
Why does it take so much pain for me to see
this strength is only found when i am on my knees
Why is it so much to show i am weak

I've always been second best
so it wasn't surprising
when I found out I wasn't the only girl in his life now.

He doesn't even realize the little things he does that breaks my heart.

I know there are some things I can't change. I know there are some situations where apologies hold no bearings. I know that twists of fate bring people together, and sometimes "everything happens for a reason" can tear them apart. I know that I will never forget you, for you will always have a place in my heart.

I don't know why we all hang on to something
when we know we're better off letting go. It's like
we're scared to lose what we don't even really have.
Some of us say we'd rather have that something
than absolutely nothing, but the truth is,
to have it halfway is harder than not having it at all

Another poem, another line,
another girl pretending she's fine,
Another hour, another day,
she wishes she could get away,
Another heartbreak, another tear,
another excuse she doesn't wanna hear
Another paper, another pen,
she writes she wants to be strong again,
Another story, another lie,
another night that she will cry,
Another band, another song,
another days passed, slowly gone,
Another scream, another doubt,
''Kick me while I'm down'' to him she'd shout
Anotherforced smile, another broken heart,
Just another girl wishing life would restart...

I read "sorry, try again" off the inside of a bottle cap; story of my life.
I never come first, I was never the winner, I was never the best.
There's always someone better. Maybe next time; I did my best.
At least I tried. All these things are supposed to make me feel better,
but it just reminds me that no matter how hard I try, how I gave it my all,
I failed. I'll never be good enough for him...

Lastly,


I don't think you see it boy,
Sure I said we could be friends,
But that doesn't mean its over for me,
I don't know if it will ever be truly over for me
Sometimes it seems like you feel the same,
But if thats the case why can't you just say it?
I'm standing here with my heart in my hand waiting for you,
Don't be afraid, I did it, so can you.


Jess

Came out alive

With every ache & pain I hide
The endless nightmare will not subside
I treasure nothing but the blade
Hoping one day the tears will fade


It takes so much just to smile
When thinking of carving all the while
The hallway down the path of life
Causes nothing but madness & misery

Because everyday just get longer
As i get weaker instead of stronger
I'm sick of pretending, the laughter is fake
But how many risks am i willing to take?

I don't feel satisfied with cuts anymore
Inside i am empty, i just want more
I always seem to feel the need
To cut myself a thousand times over and over

This is my story, now you know
My life feels like hell, should i just let go?
Sometimes i seriously do wonder
if i should just let go.

I think if I'm going to have to live like this, with this depression, disordered cutting, sadness, fear, self hatred forever
then what's the point in life?
Am i really going to be able to get over this,
because i have been trying.

The emotional issues that won't go away
that never really got fixed are there and
they haunt me every single moment of every single day

Jess

Suffocating

SO TAKE UR TIME
i want it all in just 1 sentence
so i can comprehend y u left me stranded torn and useless

Words cant describe what i feel inside,
So tell me y u left me.
Make this story easy, easy come easy go.
And what i love so deeply is kinda short and crazy
I wanna see her before u go.
Gettin over u is the hardest thing i'll ever have to do,
Keep this in mind as u waste ur time with her, gettin so overrated.
What u said wasn't what u meant


Now it's all over.




I will move on and reconstruct myself all over again.

Fox gf.

Girlfrnd.



My lesbian partner in crime.
=D
Really sweet.

Enjoy her sexual tendencies.

LOL.


Giving me quotes of love.
Care and pure friendship.

I treasure her in my life.
Cuz she taught me important lessons in life.


WO AI NI GF.


hope ya'll be happy always.


<3Jess

Buanana

Buanana, my dear frnd.

My laughing partner.
My partner in crime. =D
Silently there to gimme a pat on my shoulder.
Telling me things would be ok.

=D

Not like certain ppl who will gimme mood swings.
Or
be comfty with their better half when I'm downright not in the mood to see such images.


I LUV U BUANANA.


WO AI NI.

=D


-Jess

Soulmate.

ADRIEL BFF



Always been there. Supporting me. Knowing me.
Never once told me to GET LOST.
Knowing I'm heartbroken, he cheered me up.Trying to help me glue back my heart.


This bond.
So special.
So unique.
It makes me wonder.
How much I actually love my bff in most ways.
-It's just a special feeling of hope and peace I find in him.
That no one actually let me felt before.
In a funny way.=D

No one, even Pubes or Microphone can't be compared to him.


BFF.


SOULMATE<3


-Jess-

Fallen.

Woke up in the middle of the night, just don't believe
everything's all right when these thoughts are running
around my head. and it's late, so I don't really
want to say goodbye, so I just head down the
road that lead u down. loud as a gunshot. "I'm sorry" were the only words
written on the note you left.


I've fallen too deep, in my own melody.

I thought U wanted a break to study.
But what now?
A new sweet girl.






It killed me.
I'm traumatised.

I have to move on now.
Really.


Jess.

Deluged.

It poured and poured so heavily.
My heart tormented by the rain, the storm...
it has to take the downpour all alone.

Feeling lonely, miserable and drenched with lies and delusions.
It hanged on nvr once gave up on me...
Nvr once told me that life is bitter n I shld end my life.
Instead it pull me thru times like this.
No matter how hard it needs to...it always try to pull me thru days.

But recently, it is telling me it can't take the nonsense I gave.
Too hurting, too vicious and too acidic.
Love turns to hate...it's too hard for it to digest.
My heart gave away, to a wrong person....I dunno is it e wrong person.
Or me not able to slip back into reality.
Brain cried to me" It is just one guy!"
Heart told me "He is one fucking gd guy!"

Me-"I'm too hurt to go on, in a relationship built on lie and delusions"

I wanna live again.
For myself, just for once.


Shadows, storms, deluges and hate/love....
GET OUT OF MY LIFE JUST FOR ONCE.

Cuz my heart needs a rest.
Prepare for better things to come.





2 yrs
=
utter bullshit & utter silence.


Jess<3

Waves.

Pish~

It went by...one by one...PISH~...

Harder each time and more hurting each time.

If it could just stop, maybe life would be easier.

I could draw a nice breath in.
without stifling with a cry.

I will return back to this world soon.
not yet thou.


Get back to this world girls.
Love doesn't makes the world goes round.
Cuz no matter what u all still will be right here standing.
feeling the same hurt over again n again.
But the guy will never turn a head back.

Saying how much he luvs u.
It's just mere words which can be erase with a broken promise.

Love, fragile.
broken like a useless piece of trash.

Nothing else matters anymore.
Cuz



When a girl stopped crying.
She turns stone cold.
heart just stays calm.
Nothing will affect her anymore.
No one will.

Nothing will make her give her heart away anymore.

Nothing.


Jess