Our hearts stay warm cause they are filled with hope

Journey.

2010-10-19T00:46:00.000-07:00

It's been a journey.

How I wish moments can stay still and I will still be around.

boy, I really like Europe.

I miss your hair in my face

2010-06-06T01:13:00.000-07:00

Fill in the fucken blank, my love. CAN YOU HEAR ME.

-Jess

Virtual World.

2010-03-16T06:37:00.001-07:00

Goodbye to thee.

Back to myself.

Much Love,

Jess

They all wanna be...

2010-02-10T08:48:00.000-08:00

Close to you.

dream come true...

-Jess

Love of my life?

2010-01-20T06:35:00.000-08:00

I'm falling in love
But its falling apart.
I need to find my way back to the start...

-Jess

Much misses.

2009-12-29T01:05:00.000-08:00

R.I.P Jimmy Sullivan aka The Rev

(1981-2009)

Love.

Stay brutal.

-Jess

Your body might been gone but your soul still lives.

You think you know me...but you don't

2009-12-28T07:18:00.000-08:00

Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter

or cynical about love, but rather makes me realize that

if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person,

how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.

-Jess

So close.

2009-12-17T05:45:00.000-08:00

kills me to just breathe you in.

dying inside.

numb me pls.

-Jess

Almost had you

2009-11-24T19:39:00.000-08:00

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

-Fine frenzy

Jess

Hey you, look at how high you flew.

2009-11-22T20:02:00.000-08:00

Too many things to finish.

Too many deadlines.

A new born.

This harsh world.

Oh, pls god, bless this fragile soul.

Fly baby fly.

With much love,

Jess

The Last Goodnight-Pictures of You

2009-10-12T06:10:00.000-07:00

This is the clock upon the wall
This is the story of us all
This is the first sound of a newborn child,
Before he starts to crawl
This is the war that's never won
This is a soldier and his gun
This is the mother waiting by the phone,
Praying for her son

Pictures of you, pictures of me
Hung upon your wall for the world to see
Pictures of you, pictures of me
Remind us all of what we used to be

There is a drug that cures it all
Blocked by the governmental wall
We are the scientists inside the lab,
Just waiting for the call
This earthquake weather has got me shaking inside
I'm high up and dry

Confess to me, every secret moment
Every stolen promise you believed
Confess to me, all that lies between us
All that lies between you and me

We are the boxers in the ring
We are the bells that never sing
There is a title we can't win no matter
How hard we might swing

-Jess

"love" is your favorite word.

2009-10-05T05:49:00.000-07:00

misery you're always coming over me,
and jealousy do what you will, do what you will

just do.

and... stand on the edge with me,
hold back your fear and see,
everything seem alot clearer...
nothing is real till it's gone.

Let your heart defy logic.

Heart shall beat for me and your blood shall run colder.

-Jess

Burning cigarette...

2009-10-01T08:42:00.000-07:00

He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees

...
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
...
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby

-Whiskey Lullaby
Brad Paisley & Alison Krauss

Like what people always say...
It takes so much courage to love a person wholeheartedly
but just one simple moment of folly to make it all go to the drains.

Can one ever forget hurtful things people do to each other ?

Autumn days will fade away but memories will always stay...

Still unhealed.when will it be the day I'm free with all these thoughts and get that someone that I yearn for.
-Jess

Fancy?

2009-09-29T09:02:00.001-07:00

A goodnight sleep on a nice roof top? :) Right J???? K LETS GO.

There are things in life that never last. But the truth is, you never lose them until you let them go. Life is about choices: hanging on, holding back, letting go. Some things do last if you just let them, and if they let you.

-Jess

10 goals for the moment.

2009-09-27T10:42:00.000-07:00

Yes J, so far so good. :)

Here's mine.

1) Finish reading-Dont let me go by David W.Pierce.
2) Finish reading-My sister's keeper by Jodi Picoult.
3) Finish reading the last few chapters of-Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer ( yes I know, I'm taking too long...I'm really lazy lately.)
4) Start reading-Time Traveler's wife by Audrey Niffenegger
5) Buy the book-Secret to Teen Power by Paul Harrington
6) Good meal with J
7) Nice chill out session with Prabs and Abbs before all our lives get hectic.( before Prabs become Botak Man)
8) Chill out session with J
9) Dinner with Omar and J
10) Stop thinking of things that makes me feel unworthy.

-Jess

ps: these goals are not in particular order.

Love after love.

2009-09-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

-DerekWalcott

What will you do if you can't even promise your other half that you will be there for your own wedding?

I'm back.

2009-09-21T23:57:00.000-07:00

This trip was worth it.
Made new friends.
Shared new/old thoughts.
Know people better.

It sucks that all good things will always come to an end.

Where's the starting & ending point?

Road trip soon.

I need it.

Feel terribly desperately in need of getaways.

After graduation probably.

And suddenly I become a part of your past. I'm becoming the part that don't last. I'm losing you and its effortless.

-Jess

& I'm leaving.

2009-09-11T04:49:00.000-07:00

to Korea.

be back soon.

Love all.

-Jess

Growth and courage

2009-08-25T08:23:00.000-07:00

Some quotes to live by...

After all these months, all this time, so much has happened. The talks, the phone calls, the laughs and the feelings. If I were to look back on them, I would never have believed that, that person was once me. I wouldn't recognize that girl because she's so different from me. But I guess changing and moving on is growing up, I'm growing up and finding out what kind of person I want to be for the rest of my life. And maybe in the future, there are more changes to come, but as for right now, this is who I'm proud to be.

This weather reflects my face
Rainy day.
This place hurts my eyes.
I think I could break down and cry.
I enter each day with a sigh.
Its so hard to wake when there's nothing at stake
Today I think I'm gonna break,
the hours drag on for what seems like days.
Another day has slipped right by
And I've done nothing.

KOREA PLS.

2009-08-15T01:00:00.000-07:00

Yes, in less than a month's time....I will be in Korea!!!

Hot tea, chilly weather and much much more thoughts.

Hope it will be a blast!

-Jess

This routine.

2009-07-20T21:34:00.000-07:00

I'm sick of the scene.

It's suffocating.

All these daily routines.

Set me free.

please.. ... .........

-Jess

A getaway please?

Love is...

2009-07-06T07:29:00.001-07:00

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
It is not self-seeking, nor easily angered.
It keeps no record of wrongdoing.
It does not delight in evil,
But rejoices in the truth.
It always protects, trusts, hopes, and preserves.
There is nothing love cannot face;
There is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things that last forever:
Faith, hope, and love;
But the greatest of them all is love.

-1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Growing up and out.

2009-07-06T07:26:00.000-07:00

When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.

-1 Corinthians 13:11

And now

2009-06-30T07:11:00.000-07:00

I know why.

I'm tired & I can't be bothered anymore.

I can't feel.

Just let it be.

Things shall fall into place!

I hope it will...

Trying?

2009-06-05T22:51:00.000-07:00

What's the point of trying? trying to let them open up to you, to know them better.

In the end, FRIENDS just don't bother about how you feel at all. They don't even care!

SO, just forget about trying to be.

Let it be.

Let them be.

-Jess

what am I?

2009-05-17T01:51:00.000-07:00

I have no feeling.
I'm not sad.
I'm not happy.
I'm not anything.

When love has no limits.

2009-05-16T20:03:00.000-07:00

"A circle is round it has no end, that's how long I want to be your friend!"

Congrates to Elaine and Anton.
You both taught me life lessons from what you guys are doing and already did.
which is to, seize the moment, be spontaneous and travel whenever we could with someone close.

I shall go on road trip soon!
and....

I'll miss you guys although we din't make too much of memories together.
But yes...I'm getting emotional because you guys are leaving singapore.
and I won't be seeing you guys any soon and anyways......
I LOVE YOU BOTH.

This blog might be on indefinitely hiatus.

Jess

I need alittle more luck

2009-05-02T01:19:00.000-07:00

to get me back this time...everytime I try...i get tongue tied.

It's sad when people you know become people you knew; when you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life, how you use to be able to talk for hours and how now you can barely even look at them. It's sad how times can change.

What ever happened to ME?!

I'm seriously need to get UNstucked!
I feel too much of this unnecessary emotions everyday.

This post is so fucked! and messed up!

Drunken minds speak sober hearts- I think its so true.

AH. FUCK ME. PERIOD.

Jess

Star in your life?

2009-04-06T10:22:00.001-07:00

Wishing on a dream that seems far off
Hoping it will come today
Into the starlit night
Foolish dreamers turn their gaze
Waiting on a shootin star
But

What if that star is not to come
Will their dreams fade to nothing?
When the horizon darkens most
We all need to believe there is hope

Is an angel watching closely over me?
Can there be a guiding light i've yet to see?
I know my heart should guide me but
Theres a hole within my soul
What will fill this emptiness inside of me

Am I to be satisfied without knowing
I wish then for a chance to see
Now all I need,
Is my star to come...

-Wind Nocturne by Lunar Silver Star

Has ur star arrived and entered ur life already?

mine hadn't, cuz there's still a hole in my soul.

-Jess

:(

2009-04-02T10:51:00.000-07:00

I'm losingmyselfalready.

and I turned into the monster I didn't wanted to be.

Spouting loads of nonsense just because I'm mad and angry at myself.
to even start thinking of stupid incidents and talkin to that same old person.
I shld really kill myself really.

What do I really want from him/her?

I think I just want an answer.

but no.

I'm just empty inside.

sayitisntso.

-Jess

Unreal

2009-03-25T23:00:00.001-07:00

I can't believe I didn't actually "relax" myself for my taiwan trip.
Food was alright...but I found it a tad bit too rush.
But I like those seas I visited...it was cold, yet very nice comfy in a way.
It was like the sea was there to listen to my thought and comfort me with its sound of the waves.

I'm really still rather upset with things that I found out and CONFIRMED.
But I hope buddha give me strength to lead me through this stage.
I don't wanna drop those tears whenever I think of that incident.
I wanna to be able to laugh it off mentally and emotionally.

I wanna be real.

God, lead me through this w/o all these hurt.
Bring me someone that show me rainbows instead of blood and skulls.
(just a description)

Bring me someone...real.

Jess

Morning breeze

2009-03-03T15:58:00.000-08:00

never felt so cold, yet....warm.

I never felt so awake in the mental sense.

I was looking of the window, the slight mist, the sounds of moving vehicles...this is exactly the moment I want in life.
This slight reflection we all hang on to.

I woke at 6.15 am to be exact...talking to my mom and sis.
Enjoying a good bowl of blueberry nut crunch with milk, yum.
Getting alittle excited about the Taiwan trip tomorrow.

At least this time round, I'm going with madam butterfly and my mom.
Although some of the others I might not know but it will definitely be a blast filled day.

Aight enough of random thoughts.

I don't know what it is, I just cry sometimes.
Maybe I'm just so oblivious to the things going on around me,
that I don't realize that I'm hurting as much as I am,
so when the tears stream down my face &
I don't have anything to say don't ask me why I'm crying,
because I simply don't know,

just hold me,

I just want to be held.

-Jess

Getaway.

2009-02-25T09:30:00.000-08:00

hmmm....a getaway from Singapore soon.

to taiwan for a week

Wish I could use this time to set my priorities right.
Take this time to really relax....

:)

Jess

Thoughts.

2009-02-23T00:30:00.000-08:00

Can I keep you?
-Casper

Remember me this way.
Fantasy is always better not turned into reality.
Becuz...it's not always not for the better.
It's always for the worst.

Jess

Lessons in life

2009-02-17T10:40:00.001-08:00

I saw some teens from a event I volunteered for.
They are younger and come from a girls' home.

But they are not any different from the rest of us.
But why are we giving them weird looks or judgement?
Who are we to judge who they were/are?

It doesn't really matter or did it really matter?

Enjoy the time on earth.

Make more friends and less enemies.
Judging can only lead to misunderstandings.
Cut it down and make this world a much better place.

peace.
Jess

Kiss the rain

2009-02-17T10:31:00.001-08:00

Was listening to a piano piece

and was discussing with buanana
Ever heard of anyone kissing the rain?

Hell, is rain even kissable?

rain drops are like so fragile,
the moment it touches anything..it fades off &
after sometime it evaporates.

like broken piece of small glass, not significant but hurts when probe?

I only tasted rain before, definitely not of the best taste.

Why do people only learn to treasure beautiful things around them when it is gone.
Why cry or get upset over it?
Is it so hard to seize the moment and never let go of what's true to our soul?

Try dancing and "make love" with the rain someday.

I will try it soon.

Like they say, find joy in things ard us.
Defo makes us happier!

Cheers

Jess

HAHA. FUNNY SHITS.

2009-01-12T19:27:00.000-08:00

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 or more friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Regret-Art school

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
"Hey its your funeral mama"-Alexisonfire

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
"Call it weird or call it salsa"-Scenes and sirens

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Cold december-Aiden

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
One trillion dollars-Anti-flag

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Tony Danza Dancetravaganza-Shitt hottt

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Happiness by the kilowatts-Alexisonfire

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Narc-Interpol

WHAT IS 2+2?
Morning in the moonlight-Saves the day

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Himerus and eros-The Spill Canvas

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
My curse-Killswitch Engage

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Drown the city-Skylit Drive

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
The beach-All Time Low

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Never change-Chase Coy

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Layered up- New Atlantic

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Call of the wild- The Grates

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
The Artist-The Hush Sound

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Say Goodnight-Bullet For My Valentine

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Pictures of you-The Last Goodnight

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Songs that saved my life-Kill Hannah

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Les Os-The Unicorns

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Vegas-All Time Low

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Something beautiful-Cauterize

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Bat country-Avenged Sevenfold

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
When you're scared of dogs-The Grates

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Liar Liar(burn in hell)-The Used

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Goodnight goodnight-Hot Hot Heat

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Pussy Whipped-The Undressed

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Break it out-Vanilla Sky

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Crimewave-Crystal Castles

We are just drifting in deep waters.

2009-01-12T19:18:00.000-08:00

I had a blast during the weekends.
I enjoyed myself since many years.
Truly came from inside of me.
I made new friends I never knew I would.
All these humorous and so hyped up new friends.

Saw cute faces, I wish I was more vocal.
I wish was more "thick-skinned" like my buddy, buanana.

NVM.

Last 2 days, I'm gonna make a difference to my life.

watch..........out.

HA.

-Jess

cute kids. freckled faces. long hair. blue eyes.captivating smiles. happiness. loveliness.

Morning breeze never felt so good in my life!

I'm loving it!

-Jess

Drained

2009-01-07T20:04:00.000-08:00

I'm tired.

Sick, sick and ill.

I wanna fucking blow my nose but I can't cuz it hurts.

Nabeh.

Tarts by Barreh
put me on the flow.
give me some water and dessert.
CLASSIC.

HA.

-Jess

Phases.

2009-01-04T05:28:00.000-08:00

There comes a point in my life,

when I'm officially an adult.

Suddenly, I'm old enough to vote, drink and engage in other adult activities.

Suddenly, people expect me to be responsible, serious, a grown-up.

We get taller, we get older. But do we ever really grow up?

-Jess

Its 2009 bitches!

2008-12-31T09:09:00.000-08:00

Have a good year ahead.
with your love ones esp.

:)

-Jess

FUCK

2008-12-23T06:36:00.000-08:00

FUCK EVERYTHING I STOOD FOR.

FUCK CONCERNS.

FUCK EMOTIONS.

FUCK EVERTHING.

kthxbye.

The wait

2008-12-16T07:30:00.000-08:00

He's always been alone
He's waited a century for you.
We don't want to see the disappointment in his eyes if you ever die...
Now he's found you...

and so...
the lion fell in love with the lamb.
what a stupid lamb.
what a sad, masochistic lion.

beautiful....really, dreamily beautiful.

wonderfully beautiful. love story.

I will wait for you. it's always the waiting part.

-Jess

Missing

2008-12-10T06:26:00.000-08:00

I've been missing for a while.
Struggling to live everyday, making my days sound better than a broken glass.

I miss you.
I miss us.
I miss the regular "conversations"
We don't even talk anymore.
Let alone when I wanna talk to you,
You are always away.
Just when we talked
I tried to sound cheerful
Because
I really want you to miss me like I miss you,
But you've got her
&
You seem pretty content without me.

So goodbye to you.

Whoever out there, unworthy of my love.

-Jess

p.s: watch out for the next post.

Butterflies in my heart.

2008-11-05T07:04:00.000-08:00

Ever see someone or look at someone or stare at someone...or something...and feel something in your heart?

If you never did, that means congrates you have got to the nirvana level of inhumanity.

How did those butterflies in ur heart felt like?

Heartaching?

Heartwrenching?

Happiness?

Bliss?

What are butterflies in heart?

Is it bad or is it good?

The butterflies in my heart are not good at all yet...

Oh well, how have you guys been coping with affairs of the fragile heart?

I have been coping well, holding my head up high...don't know when will I ever fall again.

Fingers cross.

I hope I won't.

All the days spent together
I wish for better,
And I didn’t want the train to come
Now it’s departed, I’m broken hearted
Seems like we never started

All those days spent together
When I wished for better
And I didn’t want the train to come.
No, no.You think you’re loving
But you don’t love me

I want to be free, baby
You’ve hurt me
You don’t love me
I want to be free
Baby you’ve hurt me
-Warwick Ave by Duffy

-Jess
xx

Shifted back

2008-10-22T00:33:00.000-07:00

I realise I still have feelings for this blog...the tag board and all.

I'm continuing to blog here and I shall keep my livejournal for private entries.

HI ALL.

I'M BACK.

BROOOTOLLLL.

HA.

-Jess

shifted.

2008-09-30T02:23:00.000-07:00

http://jess-chase89.livejournal.com/

:)

Why?

2008-09-23T07:06:00.000-07:00

Why?

ask yourself why? today.

Why buanana refuses to talk to me today? Do I suck that much, she seems unhappy?
:(

Cheer up, my friend.

much love,
Jess

Pain

2008-09-14T06:19:00.000-07:00

my pain you'll never know.

my feelings ill never show.

the past remains a mystery mist

yet you think you know.

Sometimes I hope you fucking die.

But I know it wld fucking go

this thought wldn't fucking last.

Just to let you know.

I let you go and I move on.

So we should just not talk.

and

carry on.

much love.

Jess

Most times I feel that I'm a failure in everyways.

Never really was what "friends" wanted me to be.

Never do well in studies. love..

all the never-s.

sigh.

love is like dominos,

one wrong move and all you worked for falls apart

baby

if you could read my mind, you'd be in tears.

to end this post off,

I'm looking things right now at a different light.

Nothing ever matters now.

Having time off from all "drama" now.

Much much love.

Jess

p.s Lets get fucked up. Give us the alcohol.

Madness.

2008-09-03T20:40:00.000-07:00

I went on a Boys Like Girls Mania on Monday.

Oh yes, it felt good to go wild and scream for just that moment.

Oh gudddd, I didnt get to hug Bryan and take a pic and give him cookies.

He looks way awesome.

and Martin looks so charming.

These big boys just grow alot better and Yes Paul is in the picture with ME.

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

Life rocks with random happenings.

I'm loving it baby.

Jess

Love is watching someone die.

2008-08-20T18:27:00.000-07:00

What he said, she said, might kill you and leave you dying inside.
But its a matter of choice, ain't it?
Never let your heart take over your mind, it's not fucking recommended.

Much love,
Jess

Stab stab stab.

2008-08-09T23:12:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder how many people befriended you in the past how many years of your life?
Those whom you thought would last a lifetime but never did last?

Nono, I don't mean friends.
Friends don't exactly just find you when bored, lonely or hurt by anyone.

Those are whom I call talk and fuck off now partner.
I don't need you when you're not needed.
Sounds logical eh?
Sounds like I'm being cynical eh?
Word.

I have been pretty disturb by surroundings recently.
I don't mean environment.
I mean "partners" , people whom you guys called"GOOD FRIENDS"

Seriously this time round I couldn't be fucking bothered.
Holidays are in and I'm gonna enjoy myself.

To me, if I really reached my tolerance to a person.
I'm gonna fucking missing in action.
I don't like confrontations.
Or maybe you guys can just describe me as coward and someone who doesn't treasure "human relationships"
But no, I have my reasons, I have been through this nonsense with that person before and
I just realise that no matter how hard I want to make "friendship" work, it never happens.
Not just to the certain person but people around me.

I find myself constantly trying.
I always thought that friendship never did have to TRY to make it work.
Ain't it a little too taxing when everything I do just doesn't show or ain't appreciated?

People who try to be nice to people whom he/she hates?
Say nice little things which he/she might not mean it at all.

Hypocrites,everyone is guilty of it.

even me.

So I'm cutting myself from this league.
I don't need friends whom thinks they can put people down just because they're normal.
Once or twice a joke is ok, but not putting people down and SERIOUSLY ruining them is not fun at all.

I need to repent from these sins.

maybe I'm PARANOID eh. haha. (pun intended)

Fuck, I'm going M.I.A for reals now.

P.s
Buanana, I didn't know you would actually blog about me.
I know its the most sincere post man.
Luv you childhood bud.
Remember, "home" is where we belong!

Pps

Prabs, good luck on your performance.
Fuck care those who tries to bring it down.
You know indians are always the most hardworking bunch.
HAHAH.
GRREEAATTTT COMMITMENT DEPICTS GGREATTT WORK
Humble, my son HUMBLE.
Dedededeeeeeee.

:D

Jess AKA Red apple

I know

2008-07-27T22:06:00.000-07:00

I guess I know what it feels like to be just really down and out at the moment I woke up with my eyes staring at the white ceiling thinking of how my day would go, knowing its gonna be bad because shit happened.

I just hope one day someone could just be by my side and I would just know its okay to feel this way and he will be there to bring me through tough times and be it happy times too.

I would wanna share my everything irregardless of happiness or sorrows.
Little hugs and kisses, making life good for both of us.
Knowing that little things wont't bring us down.

Just the two of us.

I'm gonna be the one he chooses to listen to, not because I'm his true one but more of because I'm right. He will choose to listen to my words rather than people who is trying to bring him down.

He's gonna be my best and last till we part to the other dimension.

Hand in hand we are gonna work our way through life.

Loving him with all my heart.

Loving me with all his soul.

Baby, we'll take this ride and enjoy each other's company.

Make this work.

Making it work.

P.S: Love you whoever you are out there.
xoxo.

Sincerely,
Me.

You

2008-07-13T01:00:00.000-07:00

There's always something in the way.
There's always something getting thru.

I hope to lose myself for good
I hope to find it in the end
Not in me, Me,
In You
In You

You-Switchfoot

-Jess

Strawberry fields forever.

2008-06-30T17:40:00.000-07:00

Living is easy with eyes closed,
misunderstanding all you see.
It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out.
It doesn't matter much to me.

Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about

-Strawberry fields forever,The Beatles.

Jess

Human?

2008-06-27T09:10:00.000-07:00

Friends around mealways tell me

" its always human to feel this way or that way."

But what exactly is "human"?

What goes on in the minds of the different souls that wonder how life could go?
How life could be when the chance was taken away from someone who never had live the "HUMAN" life?

Ponder.

Jess

Happy?

2008-06-18T06:06:00.000-07:00

People ask me what I want to be in future.
I told them I want to be happy.
They told me I got the question wrong.
But I told them they don't understand LIFE.

Live life.
Don't let your life live you.

Jesss

Let me have a walk to remember.

2008-06-13T11:06:00.000-07:00

Love is patient and kind.
It is never jealous, boastful or conceited, never rude or selfish,
it does not take offence and is not resentful.
Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins.
Love delights in the truth, is always ready to excuse,
trust and hope and to endure whatever comes.

Let go and soon I'll realise I can
FLY.
let go of the load in my heart, just let it go.

Jess

amor vincit omnia

2008-06-11T21:52:00.000-07:00

There are some memories that we
will carry with us for the rest of our lives & some things that we choose to forget

The memories we made. But memories are memories, there is nothing I can do to bring it back to live...all we have are shadows of past and nothing else.I move on. although....unwillingly. I hope for the best for myself. Life is just that unfair. Shit happens and I have to bear it all and go on...

it's like you wanted to see,
how badly you could hurt me,
and how many times i could cry,
before i really got mad.

but NO I'm not gonna be what you are tryin to make me to be.

I just realized, i'm not the weak one.
you are, i was willing to work and go through hurt,
but you werent, no you gave up.

amor vincit omnia= untrue
Love conquers all?

I don't think I have that phrase quite right.
Or maybe I don't understand or been thru it.

For now, I think it will never happen.
Love will break hearts and no matter how much they say it shouldn't hurt.
It's not working for us yet at all.
We haven't come to the point when
love=love,
now
love= responsibilities, breakups,bleahs (*&^%$&*(

and once you find happiness in this cruel world
there is always someone trying to take it away.

For now,I tired of nonsense and irresponsibility of human beings.
For once, I tell you readers to remember something I find meaningful.

take note:

remember that everyone you meet
is afraid of something, loves something,
and has lost something.

Drunken minds speak sober hearts.

let go when you're hurting too much,
give up when love isn't enough,
and
move on when things are not like before.
for surely there is someone out there
who will love you even more. :)

I know there will be people out there who are devastated because of a lost love.

here goes some stuffs I went thru and read before...

I've changed so much lately.
every single day i wake up different.
i feel like i'm fading every step.
all everyone else sees are smiles.
they say i'm doing much better.
i know i'm doing much WORSE.

because you're young, you're torn
between a world of hate and a
world of dreams.
So much to lose,
so much to gain,
so much to fight for,
so much to change.

people say hate is a strong word
but so is love,
and people throw it around
like it means nothing at all.

And you're afraid to show a smile
cause' you don't want people
to overlook the hurt you have in your heart.
And you are so scared that they will start to believe
that the pain you feel isn't real.
But believe me girl, no one ever cares what you feel inside its all a superficial world.
For those who care, it's mere 1 in a million.

So tonight i'm thrown back into
those memories, face to face with my
past, hoping for some sort of closure,
that will let me leave all this behind.

At some point you have to realise
that he doesn’t care;

and you could be missing out

on someone that does

And all through life
There are going to be those times
When you really want to help someone
But no matter how hard you try to make them smile
You won't be able to.
You can't always fix everything.
You can't always help everyone.
Some people need to learn to live for themselves.
You can't live for them.

And I finally found that life goes on without you,
And the world still turns when you're not around.

maybe I'm thinking alil too much here but

the way i see it, yeah i know i'm not over him. but i know
i will never be over him throughout my entire life. so i just
look at it like this. he will always have a big piece of my heart,
always. but i just need to accept the fact that it's okay. i can
still feel things for other people, & hopefully i'll learn to just be
able to give the rest of my heart to someone else. but until
then, i'll just end up having fun in life.

&
hopefully i'll met the right person to get me completely over him

Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax and chill, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life...
You guys have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you guys will someday...someday.

"Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, But with what it is still possible for you to do."
++Pope John XXIII

just think.
there's someone out there
dying to get you to notice.
just think.
someone's laying up
staring at their ceiling
thinking only of your smile.

-Jess

Cat and Mouse

2008-06-01T08:20:00.000-07:00

ohohohoh.

Miracles of all miracles.

I'm here to update about something I have been thinking about for sometime.

Cat and Mouse story.

Have u guys ever wondered, why do cats always hunt for mouse?

Tom will always go after Jerry?

I always have this mindset that everyone including animals, creatures humans blah blah blah are born to be friends but revolution changes it all.

Cat and mouse turn from lovers to enemies just like they always say love and hate has only just a thin line of differences.

Cat and mouse are suppose to be together but mouse betrayed it to join the zodiac and in the end cat has to always be the one chasing after it for a reason, to just give up and leave. Mouse never gave Cat a reason why he/she have to leave and it will take forever to ever know the reason.
Cat will never give up....

Most readers will think this as crap post.
But it really got me thinking.
How many couples in this world parted because of weird reasons or unknown reasons?
How many bothered to find out the truth behind reasons....

these are the questions that will always be ard....

Now here's a song....Nice one....GOSHHHHHHHHH.

Cat and mouse by RED JUMPSUIT APPARATUS

Softly we tremble tonight,
Picture perfect fading smiles are all that's left in sight,
I said I'd never leave you'll never change
I'm not satisfied with where I'm at in life.

Am I supposed to be happy?
With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
Am I supposed to be happy?
With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
You said, you said that you would die for me...

We made plans to grow old,
Believe me there was truth in all those stories that I told.
Lost in a simple game cat and mouse are we the same people as before this came to light?

Am I supposed to be happy?
With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
Am I supposed to be happy?
With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
You said, you said that you would die for me...

You must live for me too'...
For me too...yeah, yeah...
You said that you would die for me...

Am I supposed to be happy?
With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
Am I supposed to be happy?
With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price
You said, you said that you would die for me...

You said....u will die for meeee.....
Nice song:(

Jesss outttttttttttttttt.

Miracle.

2008-04-09T06:16:00.000-07:00

Do u believe in miracles?

Do u think it would ever happen?

wait...WHAT THE HECK IS A MIRACLE?

I really wish I could experience some sort of thing that never ever happen to me before and of course it must be a gd thing and I would really wish I will treasure it like a lil girl with a small lil smelly pillow.

oh wells.

Life....

God gimme something to hope in.

kthxbai

Greetings?

2008-03-28T08:09:00.000-07:00

HELLOHA, my blog's been empty for awhile...
I'm here to update briefly.

Nothing much been up.
Slack, drink, eat, slp.

Been on stickam most of my time, but i guess now i wont because i realise too many things abt it.

I miss old times with my dear buanana.
LOL
FRNDDDD, when r we gonna hang out?

:)

Sch's gonna start soon. REJOICE!.

lol.

:/

ok to end things off...some pics and some reflections.

------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember that everyone you meet
is afraid of something, loves something,
and has lost something

Tell me this look too sexy. LOL

There's a difference in what we long for, what we settle for, and & what we're meant for
I love you, what r u gonna do about it?:)

ok anyways sending some love to ppl who had make my life happier and filled with laughter.
Joanna aka Buanana, u will always be my best buddy for life!
Prabhu aka Dududu, remember what we always believe in and nvr give up bro!
Abby and Mya my UH OH HOTDOG buddies.
Mike, remember I will always be there for u if I could.I heart u.

Stickam's
Ashreen, its been long eh? :)
Fazzy, u're really nice and sweet. Hope to hang out more:)
Kyle, U crazy lil ass. Ur jokes are classics.KAMEHAMEHAAAAA!!! :)
ME LUB U GUYS LONG TIME!
hehe.

Jess signing off.

2007-12-15T22:35:00.000-08:00

Have u ever wonder why a person looked soundly aslp when lying in a coffin and it seems like nothing could ever wake him/her up.

A body so cold and lifeless yet it has a slight smile to its face.
Sometimes I wanted to ask "the body" , why the smile?
Is it better dead?
Is it better to be away from earth?

I noe it is definitely better w/o the sickness.
w/o being a person living in a world full of masks and deceptions.
Definitely better living in a world where all ur worries just subside alil lesser in a spur moment.

I definitely also dunno what goes on at the other dimension but I do hope grandpapa is living ok there.
No bullies.
No hypocrites.
No worries.

Cultural and aesthetics class questioned.
"What is peace?"

I find no definition for it. What I see ard me aint no peace.

They strive hard to destroy everything beside them slowly and watching everything die in front of them, in one way or another.

Peace? I fret not.

No one ever noes what is the definition of it.
No one will ever find out what is it.
But for grandpapa I hope U find the peace u wanted.

I wish u all the best.

U're very luv by me.

I'm sorry I wasn't a gd grand daughter.

I didn't do my best.

But I noe grandpapa like u easy going n nice.

I hope u didn't laugh at us too hard at the prayers.

I noe u're somewhere laughing at us so bad.

U were e one bringing us the grown up cousins together again and have some gathering of sorts, laughters and nothing lesser.
This type of gathering has always been a missed since everyone was busy with their lives.

I like this type of gathering.
But not this type of events that gathered us.

Thanks once again grandpapa.

R.I.P

Jess.

R.I.P

2007-12-13T19:50:00.000-08:00

R.I.P Grandpapa.

I'm missing you and you'll be missed always.

I'm sorry I hadn't find the time to visit you when you were hospitalised last time.

Now it's too late.

<3 Grandpapa.

Reminiscence...
Jess

BFF

2007-12-10T23:45:00.000-08:00

He made a difference in my life. Whole lot of difference.

:)

He's loved. n I will always be looking over him.

Jess

ps: BFF lets lie on the tracks someday and forget abt the world.

Mind.

2007-12-09T06:38:00.000-08:00

Second post of today.

I have to say it out cuz I'm very breathless over it.

It is taking my soul out to try and understand how's he feeling.
I've tried to be understanding. Supportive of how's he with his new girl.
Telling him what to do.

He said thanks.
I could only say no need for a thank you.
Cuz, no matter what he can't fix back a broken heart.

he asked, will things still be the same if we get back together.

I said I dunno. Maybe yes maybe no.

But I noe it wont be e same cuz he will have to hurt Monique.
It's so totally not cool.

I havent lost any feelings for him.
But I noe Monique deserves better.
just only 2-3 months with her, Mike is very into her. I noe it
Woman's sixth sense is fucking accurate.

He said this to my frnd.
Just an extract from whole convo.

Him: u know jess is the best gf i eveer have

seriously

but its like i already drag monique into this i can't hurt her and i dont wanna hurt jess too

i really dont know what to do

i think i really turn out like both of her ex after all

I have one thing to say.

He doesn't know what is he doing at all.

and it hurts.
treating it like a game of manipulation.

(9:35 PM) MIke.:

i think its something thats gotta do with fate

fuck fate.

It's designed by our own hands.

I still heart u.

but it's too late for apologies.

Jess

Night to the thrills.

2007-12-09T03:24:00.000-08:00

Hi all,

Life's been pretty good.
Busy with sch activities.
Play Time ended 2 weeks ago for Drama.republic.
It was pretty good.
Good experience and I can say Prince's Groom is much less scary than Reality Crashes In.

Evon and Me

Me and The Prince's Groom gang

Me and Drama.Republic

Night trail yesterday night to today morning.
I slack with my lovely mates at Causeway point until the sun came out before we left for breakfast at Mac's Yew Tee and then head home for a good rest.

Buanana and Me

Our attempt to make the trip feel scary but failed. LOL.

Eza and Me lying on the dirty floor of outside Causeway point at early wee hours.

The night never looked so beautiful.

Lastly, I would like to say.
W24R really rocks. and bonded really well. No anti socials at all.
LUVS.=D

Best Team Presentation for Problem 11 Enterprise! =D Luv Mandy our dear motherly faci.

The gang of funny faces.

Eza and me with snow cap.

W24R

Luv,
Jess

Ciao.

SIGH.

2007-12-05T06:41:00.000-08:00

SIGH!

better not to find out so many things!

ahaha.

:(

PWNAGE!

Jess

Apology.

2007-12-05T05:57:00.000-08:00

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say
But I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait...
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say...

That it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
(But that's nothing new)
Yeah yeah

I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue
And you say
"Sorry" like the angel, heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
Woahooo woah

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, a yeahah
I said it's too late to apologize, a yeahah

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground...
-Apologise
(timbaland ft One republic)

I miss fitface.
Attraction is always there whenever I see him.
lust,love, like whatever.
just a attraction.

Everytime I see him its like the last scene in It's a boy girl thing.
When in the prom...left him n me.
then
the tree.

wow.

LOL.

ok, anyway life's been ok.

Grades are cool.

=D

Jess

W24R

2007-11-25T23:41:00.000-08:00

Some pics to share nice ones.

Today, 26 Nov 2007.
Only one team left in class with 7 members.
with just 1 presentation.

Stone thru presentation.

nothing much to talk abt.

Pretty much a GOOD day to start off the week.

HAHA.

Anyway, haven't been blogging much.

Life is ok. everything is alright just some complicating things which I dun like and hate, that y I'm direct and rash in decision cuz I think somethings cant be taken time with. Have to act within short time or else consequences wld be huge.

Me n Mike, we're really n talkin terms now.
I still miss him alot, cuz he haven't been replying my smses.
well well must be busy with his new girl.
MUAHHAHA.

LOL.

FIT FACE!
I need to see u soon

=D

Tat's it for now.

<3Jess

Quotes of my life.

2007-11-10T07:51:00.000-08:00

Why does it take so much to bring me to my knees
Why does it take so much pain for me to see
this strength is only found when i am on my knees
Why is it so much to show i am weak

I've always been second best
so it wasn't surprising
when I found out I wasn't the only girl in his life now.

He doesn't even realize the little things he does that breaks my heart.

I know there are some things I can't change. I know there are some situations where apologies hold no bearings. I know that twists of fate bring people together, and sometimes "everything happens for a reason" can tear them apart. I know that I will never forget you, for you will always have a place in my heart.

I don't know why we all hang on to something
when we know we're better off letting go. It's like
we're scared to lose what we don't even really have.
Some of us say we'd rather have that something
than absolutely nothing, but the truth is,
to have it halfway is harder than not having it at all

Another poem, another line,
another girl pretending she's fine,
Another hour, another day,
she wishes she could get away,
Another heartbreak, another tear,
another excuse she doesn't wanna hear
Another paper, another pen,
she writes she wants to be strong again,
Another story, another lie,
another night that she will cry,
Another band, another song,
another days passed, slowly gone,
Another scream, another doubt,
''Kick me while I'm down'' to him she'd shout
Anotherforced smile, another broken heart,
Just another girl wishing life would restart...

I read "sorry, try again" off the inside of a bottle cap; story of my life.
I never come first, I was never the winner, I was never the best.
There's always someone better. Maybe next time; I did my best.
At least I tried. All these things are supposed to make me feel better,
but it just reminds me that no matter how hard I try, how I gave it my all,
I failed. I'll never be good enough for him...

Lastly,

I don't think you see it boy,
Sure I said we could be friends,
But that doesn't mean its over for me,
I don't know if it will ever be truly over for me
Sometimes it seems like you feel the same,
But if thats the case why can't you just say it?
I'm standing here with my heart in my hand waiting for you,
Don't be afraid, I did it, so can you.

Jess

Came out alive

2007-11-10T07:43:00.000-08:00

With every ache & pain I hide
The endless nightmare will not subside
I treasure nothing but the blade
Hoping one day the tears will fade

It takes so much just to smile
When thinking of carving all the while
The hallway down the path of life
Causes nothing but madness & misery

Because everyday just get longer
As i get weaker instead of stronger
I'm sick of pretending, the laughter is fake
But how many risks am i willing to take?

I don't feel satisfied with cuts anymore
Inside i am empty, i just want more
I always seem to feel the need
To cut myself a thousand times over and over

This is my story, now you know
My life feels like hell, should i just let go?
Sometimes i seriously do wonder
if i should just let go.

I think if I'm going to have to live like this, with this depression, disordered cutting, sadness, fear, self hatred forever
then what's the point in life?
Am i really going to be able to get over this,
because i have been trying.

The emotional issues that won't go away
that never really got fixed are there and
they haunt me every single moment of every single day

Jess

Suffocating

2007-11-10T07:32:00.000-08:00

SO TAKE UR TIME
i want it all in just 1 sentence
so i can comprehend y u left me stranded torn and useless

Words cant describe what i feel inside,
So tell me y u left me.
Make this story easy, easy come easy go.
And what i love so deeply is kinda short and crazy
I wanna see her before u go.
Gettin over u is the hardest thing i'll ever have to do,
Keep this in mind as u waste ur time with her, gettin so overrated.
What u said wasn't what u meant

Now it's all over.

I will move on and reconstruct myself all over again.

Fox gf.

2007-11-07T08:00:00.000-08:00

Girlfrnd.

My lesbian partner in crime.
=D
Really sweet.

Enjoy her sexual tendencies.

LOL.

Giving me quotes of love.
Care and pure friendship.

I treasure her in my life.
Cuz she taught me important lessons in life.

WO AI NI GF.

hope ya'll be happy always.

<3Jess

Buanana

2007-11-07T07:52:00.000-08:00

Buanana, my dear frnd.

My laughing partner.
My partner in crime. =D
Silently there to gimme a pat on my shoulder.
Telling me things would be ok.

=D

Not like certain ppl who will gimme mood swings.
Or
be comfty with their better half when I'm downright not in the mood to see such images.

I LUV U BUANANA.

WO AI NI.

=D

-Jess

Soulmate.

2007-11-07T07:40:00.000-08:00

ADRIEL BFF

Always been there. Supporting me. Knowing me.
Never once told me to GET LOST.
Knowing I'm heartbroken, he cheered me up.Trying to help me glue back my heart.

This bond.
So special.
So unique.
It makes me wonder.
How much I actually love my bff in most ways.
-It's just a special feeling of hope and peace I find in him.
That no one actually let me felt before.
In a funny way.=D

No one, even Pubes or Microphone can't be compared to him.

BFF.

SOULMATE<3

-Jess-

Fallen.

2007-11-05T04:54:00.000-08:00

Woke up in the middle of the night, just don't believe
everything's all right when these thoughts are running
around my head. and it's late, so I don't really
want to say goodbye, so I just head down the
road that lead u down. loud as a gunshot. "I'm sorry" were the only words
written on the note you left.

I've fallen too deep, in my own melody.

I thought U wanted a break to study.
But what now?
A new sweet girl.

It killed me.
I'm traumatised.

I have to move on now.
Really.

Jess.

Deluged.

2007-10-27T22:00:00.000-07:00

It poured and poured so heavily.
My heart tormented by the rain, the storm...
it has to take the downpour all alone.

Feeling lonely, miserable and drenched with lies and delusions.
It hanged on nvr once gave up on me...
Nvr once told me that life is bitter n I shld end my life.
Instead it pull me thru times like this.
No matter how hard it needs to...it always try to pull me thru days.

But recently, it is telling me it can't take the nonsense I gave.
Too hurting, too vicious and too acidic.
Love turns to hate...it's too hard for it to digest.
My heart gave away, to a wrong person....I dunno is it e wrong person.
Or me not able to slip back into reality.
Brain cried to me" It is just one guy!"
Heart told me "He is one fucking gd guy!"

Me-"I'm too hurt to go on, in a relationship built on lie and delusions"

I wanna live again.
For myself, just for once.

Shadows, storms, deluges and hate/love....
GET OUT OF MY LIFE JUST FOR ONCE.

Cuz my heart needs a rest.
Prepare for better things to come.

2 yrs
=
utter bullshit & utter silence.

Jess<3

Waves.

2007-10-25T07:07:00.000-07:00

Pish~

It went by...one by one...PISH~...

Harder each time and more hurting each time.

If it could just stop, maybe life would be easier.

I could draw a nice breath in.
without stifling with a cry.

I will return back to this world soon.
not yet thou.

Get back to this world girls.
Love doesn't makes the world goes round.
Cuz no matter what u all still will be right here standing.
feeling the same hurt over again n again.
But the guy will never turn a head back.

Saying how much he luvs u.
It's just mere words which can be erase with a broken promise.

Love, fragile.
broken like a useless piece of trash.

Nothing else matters anymore.
Cuz

When a girl stopped crying.
She turns stone cold.
heart just stays calm.
Nothing will affect her anymore.
No one will.

Nothing will make her give her heart away anymore.

Nothing.

Jess

Stranded.

2007-10-23T08:06:00.000-07:00

Here I'm
Left stranded in the whirl of confusion, lonesome and utter silence in my heart.
This ain't right, my heart is quiet and calm yet I feel the certain heartwrenching moments always lingering ard.

Its calling out to the whoever.
Pls answer my heart.

To where it belongs.
Cuz I can't take it any longer.

It kills.

Jess

So I'll sit here waiting.

2007-10-20T09:39:00.000-07:00

So I'll sit here waiting
While the worlds will pass me
You can't have me
Walk by me
I can't say a word
I'm helpless
Can't help me
You can't stop me now

Cuz I wanna be bad for you
You just lead the way
I'll follow
I don't wanna think it through
Never give a thought tomorrow

Lost in thoughts of empty dispositions
My position stops me
Can't stand up
I can't breathe
You're telling me
You're not for me
But I'll just make you see

That I wanna be bad for you
You just lead the way
I'll follow
I don't wanna think it through
Never give a thought tomorrow

I'll never be like your kind of girl
Never be right there in that world
But I'll entertain the notion
That I could live there too

So I'll sit here waiting
While the worlds all pass me
You can't help me
I won't sleep tonight

Cuz I wanna be bad for you
You just lead the way
I'll follow
I don't wanna think it through
Never give a thought tomorrow

For you...
I wanna be bad for you...
Tomorrow

I wanna be bad for you
Never give a thought tomorrow

So I'll sit here waiting-The Like.